Best Year-End List Ever: Top 10 “Stupid Stoner Stories”

The Top Ten “Stupid Stoner Stories” of 2011

10. Man’s dog throws out hash stash for cops

It’s almost unfair of me to classify poor Joel Dobrin as “stupid” for this story. Except that I always counsel tokers to store their weed in the trunk when they’re on the road, which might have prevented this unfortunate traffic stop.

9. Note to marijuana smugglers: Make sure your trailer tags are current!

If I had an ounce for every time I’ve read a story about someone getting busted with weed because they were driving a car with expired tags (or a busted taillight, or were speeding), I could replace the weed that was seized in this traffic stop. Is there not enough profit in smuggling to afford registration renewals?

8. Locksmiths don’t check warrants or care about your marijuana… but cops do!

Trust me. My brother was a locksmith. They aren’t interested in your “failure to appear” bench warrants and your nickle bag of weed. When you lock your keys in the car, locksmiths are more worried you will freak out at the cost of your careless mistake.

7. Man fails drug test for cocaine, offers pot bribe to test taker to ignore it

Perhaps this is better classified as a “Crazy Cokehead” story…

6. Don’t call 911, trust NORML: Growing pot will get you busted

I am just stunned that this guy didn’t get the memo that growing pot is illegal. Just so none of you feel the urge to call 911 for grow crime information…

5. Dad Tells Cops 14-Year-Old Stole Weed From His Son

The “stupid stoners” that bother me the most are the parents who involve their kids with marijuana. It is the worst possible portrayal of our community and “What About the Children?!?” is one of the few powerful propaganda messages that prohibitionists have left. So remember, this only exists because marijuana is illegal (and therefore insanely profitable) and not bought and sold in regulated stores that check ID.

4. Parents arrested for video of 2-year-old smoking marijuana

Remember that this time of year, parents all across North America will consume beer and wine and spirits, often leaving their bottles and glasses in easy reach of the children. Many pictures will be taken and videos will be filmed – and you won’t read any headlines about those parents going to court.

3. Wandering toddler on road with bag of weed gets national coverage
LOCH SHELDRAKE, N.Y. — Authorities have charged a 30-year-old New York woman with endangering the welfare of a child after police say her toddler wandered into an upstate road clutching a bag of marijuana......Get The Rest

Man Steals Ambulance To Drive Himself To Hospital

Tampa, Florida – When it came to getting medical attention, stealing an ambulance and driving it to the hospital wasn’t such a bad idea at the time for one Tampa man. Hubert Lee Credit, 39, was arrested after he stole an ambulance and drove himself to the hospital for treatment for injuries from what Credit claims to have been an earlier altercation with four men. When Credit was arrested, there was a noticeable puncture wound to his head.  more

‘Bumcrack bandit’ woman suspect in two latest shootings

 Australia – A female robber dubbed the ‘Bumcrack Bandit’ may be behind the Gold Coast’s latest shooting, in the same suburb where police officer Damian Leeding was gunned down. Wearing low-slung jeans, the woman showed a lot more than just athleticism as she vaulted the bar at the Coomera Lodge Hotel with a silver pistol in one hand. CCTV cameras captured images of her rear-end as she leapt the counter and, together with a male accomplice, fled the premises with the cash drawer and alcohol.  Full Article

Man dead in recliner ‘a couple days’

Pennsylvania – A northeast Philadelphia man left out some vital information when he called 9-1-1 at 6 a.m. to report that his mother was experiencing chest pains. As paramedics were taking the 78-year-old woman out of the Kirkwood Road home on a stretcher, he mentioned that his pop was lounging in a recliner. Dead. For awhile now. “When the rescue guys are taking mom out, he says, ‘Can you take my dad with you?’ ” said a source in Northeast Detectives. Full Article

Blind Man Missing During Trip on Amtrak Train

Washington DC – The family of 33-year-old Mitchell Malik Smith says he boarded a train at Union Station. He was headed to Birmingham, Ala., a trip he had taken many times before. Somehow he ended up on a train bound for New Orleans. A woman from Virginia who sat across the aisle from Smith said she heard Amtrak workers tell him he could get off at Charlotte and take another train several hours later to Birmingham. But his family has not seen or heard from him since.  Full Article

Man attacked couple with Tiki torch

Aloha, Oregon – Washington County deputies say they arrested a man after he broke into an Aloha home and attacked a couple with a Tiki torch. Matthew Zamora, 28, is accused of breaking into the home through a back door while the couple slept. Zamora swung the torch at the husband and hit him. The homeowner then grabbed a handgun and pointed it at Zamora. Zamora ended up climbing out of a bathroom window wearing underwear, socks and a bandana around his neck.  Full Article

Fruitcake From 1941 Sells for $525

 Cincinnati, Ohio – A 1941 fruitcake has sold for $525 to an Arizona man in an Ohio company’s online auction, and the money will go to the homeless in southwest Ohio. Elite Estate Group sold the cake in an auction on its website. Company owner Larry Chaney says the man, who wanted to remain anonymous, probably bought the cake as an investment. Chaney says he doubts anyone would eat a 70-year-old fruitcake even though it was vacuum packed and contained rum that probably helped preserve it.  Full Article

Robert De Niro becomes 6th-time dad at 68

New York – Hollywood film star Robert De Niro has become a father for the sixth time at age 68. Helen Grace, De Niro’s second child with wife Grace Hightower, was born via surrogate and weighed in at 7 pounds, 2 ounces, the actor’s publicist said. The couple met in 1987 and are also the parents of a 13-year-old son named Elliot.

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